On Gender Roles and Gendered Products

Today I received a package from Sephora I had been expecting, containing some foundation I wanted to try. Sephora also does this cool thing where they give you three free samples with every purchase, so I selected some sample perfumes and added them to my cart. One of these three perfumes was “Versace pour homme,”which basically means that it’s Versace for men. So I sprayed some on my wrist and it smelled so good that I considered investing in a bottle of it in some point in the future. But then I starting thinking about how annoying it is that we gender perfumes. It’s not only for men. Anybody who likes the scent can purchase it. But this is just part of a bigger issue. Our society so strongly feels the urge to gender everything and make a clear distinction between what is “for girls” and what is “for boys.” Because god forbid a guy bought a razor “for women” he would instantly become emasculated. And oh how sad that would be, to be compared to or even be considered a girl.

The social conditioning of gender roles and gendered products is literally introduced into our lives since birth. Boys get wrapped up in blue blankets, and pink is exclusively for girls. Little girls are urged to play with dolls and wear tutus and become obsessed with Disney princesses. Boys should play with hot wheels and Leggos and try out for the little league team. And it’s not as if this behavior and way of thinking is innate. It is learned behavior and ideology. Five-year-old girls don’t have this innate sense to play house or want to be a ballerina when they grow up. We are taught this through observation and guidance. No one ever questions if their little boy prefers pink or blue. It’s just not an option. Fathers automatically assume that their daughter doesn’t want to play catch because she is female. Never giving her the opportunity to decide whether or not she likes sports is what continues this cycle.

And of course people will tell me to not care so much, that it doesn’t really matter. But it does. It shapes the way we view men and women, the way we stereotype, and assume these roles solely based on gender identity. I’m a woman and I like “men’s cologne”. I like dressing comfy and not giving a shit about appearing as a “proper lady”. I’m also gay. But I wear makeup and jewelry. I’ll even occasionally wear stilettos (although that is usually reserved for weddings). What it means to be a man or a woman is not determined through how the media dictates what we should wear, buy, do, or even look like. That is something entirely up to the individual. And I am certainly including transgender folks in this argument. They should not be required to “pass” as a certain gender in order to be respected. Surgery and hormones cost a lot of money, which many trans people don’t have. And someone’s biological make up should certainly not determine their worth, i.e. the overpowering and smothering patriarchy. And of course if you are someone who fits into these specific gender roles that is perfectly okay. There is only a problem if it is not your choice and is forced upon you throughout your entire childhood and adult life. So if you are looking for any rolls to choose in the future, I’d go with sushi.

There Is No Such Thing As The Friend Zone

According to Urban Dictionary, the Friend Zone is “what you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.” This was the most concrete definition I could find, so I suppose it will suffice.

First of all, what is described here is unrequited love, essentially. It is the classic scenario in which boy likes girl, but girl doesn’t really like boy in the same way, or vice versa. Either way, someone is loving someone who doesn’t necessarily love them back, at least not in the way they want to be loved. In my personal life, I have heard many guys use this term when a girl only wants to be friends with them. It seems to be more comfortable and tolerable for them to say, “I’ve just been friend zoned,” than to except the fact that a girl could maybe just want a platonic relationship and that there will be no sex in their future. While I can understand this “coping method”, this particular way of dealing with a kind of rejection, this turns the woman (or man), the uninterested partner, into the insensitive monster. However, this does not make women cruel, hardhearted beings for wanting a platonic, male friend. Instead, it proves that there are some men (and women) out there that need to work on being less egotistical and more observant and understanding. Not all people of the opposite sex are going to find you attractive, and even if they do, that doesn’t mean they’re going to want to sleep with you and/or have a romantic relationship with you. From what I have observed in movies and in real life, straight males seem to use the “Friend Zone” excuse the most and much more often than a slang word should be permitted.