My (Unofficial) Coming Out Story

I struggled with my sexuality all throughout high school and partially throughout middle school. The main part of my struggle was the inability to accept myself for who I was, who I am. Of course now I cannot fathom how I ever thought I was straight, but accepting myself and being open about my sexuality gave me a whole new perspective on the matter.

While I was in elementary school, I became overly attached to quite a few of my female friends. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, especially when girls are supposed to think boys are gross at that age. However, I was submersed in a heteronormative culture and I attended a very conservative Catholic school, so I evidently suppressed any thoughts and feelings that had anything to do with liking girls. It wasn’t until I was in sixth or seventh grade that I had my first lesbian awakening. I was watching the ever popular Desperate Housewives with my parents, and two of the female characters on the show kissed. At that moment, it was like something suddenly clicked inside of my brain. I liked girls. I liked the idea of two girls being together. It finally all made sense. But I still could not truly accept that about myself, so I again suppressed any feelings I had and attempted to be a nice heterosexual girl. While it surprisingly didn’t take that much effort, it also didn’t exactly work well for too long. I was still developing feelings for my female friends. They would tell me all about boys they liked, and I would get so jealous but just pretend I was disappointed because I wasn’t receiving any attention from boys.

During my freshman year of high school I kind of fell in love for the first time with my best friend. It was very confusing and very hard to differentiate feelings of close friendship and feelings of romance. I drove myself crazy over it. She began to date a guy who was much older than us, and I was once again disappointed. I was weary about the age difference because perverts are still unfortunately alive and well, but I also selfishly wanted her to myself. Of course, I didn’t say any of this. I didn’t actually voice my sexual confusion to anyone until sophomore year. There was this girl a year behind me that I really began to like. Let’s call her S. She would follow me around everywhere and hold my hand as we walked to class, even if her’s was in another building. I really thought that she liked me, but she would always mention this other girl she had dated so I quickly abandoned any hope. She had perviously told me that she was bisexual and I immediately blurted out that I thought I might be bisexual too. Not knowing what to make of this, I called my gay friend, and that was when I told someone for the first time that I liked a girl. It was so difficult for me to do at first, but I felt so relieved for finally having done it.

Throughout my first semester of sophomore year, I spent many nights crying and watching a mix of lesbian flicks and depressing suicidal films, all courtesy of Netflix. It was too difficult for me to come to terms with who I was, and I honestly had no idea why. I clearly did not have a problem with other gay or bisexual people, but I was afraid of being treated differently again. I was bullied nonstop from second to eighth grade, so when I finally got to high school it was my time to start over and actually make friends and not be called names. Because of this, I just stopped talking to and hanging out with S as much, but I thought about her. I thought about her all the time.

I wasn’t really all that vocal about my sexuality until the beginning of senior year. That was an interesting time in my life. So many of my friends had come out as gay or bisexual as well, so I just jumped on the bandwagon. At first, I came out as bisexual. This felt like the safest option to me at the time because I could like girls but still maintain some heterosexual privilege. But after a couple of weeks, I decided to finally be honest with myself. And for the first time, I told my friends and family that I was gay. It was probably one of the happiest and most relieving moments of my life. I was so lucky to be around so many people who accepted and supported me. At this point, I had resumed talking to S, who had now become M, and we started dating shortly after. And that’s pretty much it. No more struggle. No more shame. Just love and acceptance and a whole lot of gay.

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Why politicians don’t understand basic biology

This week, GOP senate candidate for Missouri, Todd Akin, falsely claimed that women cannot get pregnant from rape if it is indeed ‘legitimate’ rape. He stated,  “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole  thing down.” Really? Well, this is great news then. I had no idea my body had such magical powers. He then went on to claim, and no doubt imply, that if a woman gets pregnant from rape, it was never really rape to begin with. When I first heard about this, my jaw dropped. It doesn’t matter who you are or which side you belong to. If you are that ignorant about such a basic fact, how did you even go through life? All I can say is that I have little hope for the state of Missouri.

But wait, there’s more.

Senator Stacey Campfield of Tennesse falsely claimed that AIDs cannot be contracted through heterosexual sex. He stated, “Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community,” “It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.” He then went on to summarize himself by saying, “My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex.” First of all, what does an airline pilot have to do with anything? Has he suddenly traced the origin of AIDs for us? Well, thank you, Senator Campfield. Thank you for letting us know how very wrong actual scientists are. You might as well just tell us that the cure to any cancer is Capt’n Crunch. Secondly, if he truly believes this, I should tell the majority of the women suffering in Africa that they really don’t have AIDs, but they’re probably going to die anyway. But, hey, at least you’re not a gay man, right?

So here’s my question: How are on earth are these two gentlemen politicians? I am so sorry, but you have got to be kidding me. You would think that the men who intended on running parts of the country would, oh I don’t know, be even remotely educated. I’m sure that they both have wives or girlfriends. Do they still not know how sex works and what STDs and AIDs are? You don’t exactly have to be a genius to know a little sex-ed. If I were you, it would frighten me to know that there are people like this in the world, who are interested in putting the nation’s decisions in their hands.