This is how I love you

I give my love to you
Through ragged puffs of breath
Through arching backs
And grasping hands
And shaking arms and legs

I give my love to you
Through moans of staggered breath
Through pouting lips
And clenching fists
And trickling drops of sweat

This is not about you

This is not about you.
This is not about about all those times you made me feel worthless and pathetic or how you spat my own name in my face like a curse.
This is not about how your betrayal ripped a giant gaping hole in my heart that I have not yet even begun to patch up. I can only keep ripping off the bandaid to remind myself of what it feels like to hurt.
And this is not about how your name will forever feel like acid on my tongue, burning the back of my throat as I try to smother the urge to scream it out into the night.

This is not about you.
This is about me.
This is about all the hurt and torment I have endured as I passively watched you set me on fire. This is about my struggle to love myself to fill the hole that you made, as you left me to fend for myself like a lonely and wounded animal.
This about how I will rise high above the flames and spread my hatred like wildfire, so that maybe one day, it might reach you.
This is about how I hope neither heaven nor hell will take you, for you would surely be a disappointment to both.

So, no. This is not about you.
This is about me,
like it always has been.

Think Of Me

Think of me often

On days when the sun

Sets lower in the sky

On nights when the moon

Is not there

In times of sorrow

And in times of delight

Think of me when I am

Not near

I Know Not

I know not the countless hours I have waited to hear you speak my name,

to hear your voice dance through my eardrums, once again,

pirouetting its way to my heart.

I know not the number of days I have counted on my nimble fingers,

anxiously waiting and wondering when I might be graced with your encouraging presence,

with your superior divinity.

I know less of many subjects, but of you,

I know well enough.

I know the curve of your jaw,

the touch of lips,

the glint in your eyes,

and the love in your heart,

but I know not where you are.